My trip to the Past

This is a picture of me last September, when I actually took four days away from my beloved husband to attend my 50th high school reunion (wow).  He was well taken care of by his two daughters and by in home services that sent someone to do his showering and changing.  I actually spent four days connecting with old friends and seeing my birthplace for the first time in 35 years.  I was amazed that I did not worry one bit about my husband because I knew he was being cared for with much love.

It was a wonderful, reflective time and gave me a "refreshing" so I could come home and continue caring for my wonderful "better half".  This was a change for me because at no time before did I feel a need to do something like this.  I couldn't stand the thought of being separated from my husband even for a few hours, let alone a few days.  It worked out wonderfully and I am so glad that I did this.

Now we are back into our routine, but with some slight changes.  We moved to the state of Washington last November to be near grandchildren, it has been an experience.  I always thought I liked the rain until I was confronted with it day after day.  Then, I developed double pneumonia and was quite sick, but am now on the mend.  My husband recently fell and suffered a compression fracture in his back and we have been receiving wonderful, supportive care through the state of Washington and it has helped me tremendously.  He is now on the mend and we are back into our routine.  Will try to keep this blog going because it gives me a focus, and hopefully at the same time, may help others.

Another focus I am working on is an online store concentrating on garden items - it has been fun and a lot of work - but I can do it.

.http://www.insidethegarden.com -

Anguish, Anger and JOY

Moments of Anguish, Moments of Anger, Moments of JOY

My moments of anguish were spent in the hospital watching my husband struggle to survive his devastating-cardio-pulmonary arrest.  Watching his body swell to an unrecognizable shape when it was discovered that when he was intubated on our kitchen floor, a hole was torn in his windpipe and the ventilator he was on was putting oxygen into every tissue of his body.  A stint was put into place to release all the oxygen and the swelling went down.  Moments of anguish when we were told that he would remain in a vegetative state and would never walk again or function again.  Moments of anguish when his liver, kidneys and lungs started to fail.  Moments of anguish when he was moved out of intensive care into isolation because he had developed a staph infection.  We had to wear gloves and masks to visit him.

His body was deteriorating and it was so critical to get him into a rehab hospital, but the hospital wouldn’t take him as long as he had the staph infection.

Moments of anger.  When they told me that the rehab hospital would not take him with the infection, I screamed at GOD in anger and frustration.  My God, My God, where are you.  After my screaming, sobbing fit with God, I went back into my husbands room and the nurses came running in to tell me the ambulance was on its way to take him to the rehab hospital 30 miles away because the last test they had done showed that the infection WAS GONE.    Our doctor dropped everything to come to the hospital to put in his medication tubes so he could be transported to the rehab hospital.  The ambulance came and there was a mad dash to the rehab hospital because they would not accept him that day unless we could get him there by 5:00 PM.  The ambulance left the hospital at 4:00 PM and got him to the rehab hospital in time.  MOMENT OF JOY!  MOMENT OF MIRACLE!

There were many more moments of anguish, anger and joy to come.  Each, I believe, to teach me something about our journey.  As angry as I was at our loving God, I know, without a doubt, that everything was put into place for the journey we were about to take together.

I think I am waiting for the final miracle to take place.  That is for his brain to become whole again and to enable him to know who he is, who I am, where we are and how to do such a simple thing as getting himself a drink of water, or to become continent again.  I know this may never happen, but I never give up hope that it is possible.

Our Journey with Brain Injury

Our journey with brain injury started on a crisp October morning in 1997. My husband and I had just completed our morning walk and I was getting ready for work when I heard a horrible crashing sound coming from our kitchen. I ran to the kitchen and found my husband on the floor gasping for breath. He was in the midst of a cardio-pulmonary arrest. In my panic I could only think of pumping on his chest until the paramedics arrived. They were able to resuscitate him and restart his heart. Unfortunately, he had suffered a lack of oxygen to his brain, resulting in damage to his left temporal and both frontal lobes.

Through the ensuing days, there were many setbacks that could have ended his life, but through them all, he came back. After three months in the hospital, two of those months in a rehabilitation facility, he came home with me. I searched high and low for medical procedures that could help him, including hyperbaric oxygen treatments and biofeedback. I was encouraged in reading about brain injury that the brain can be retrained by repetition.

Through the last 12 years of caring for him, we have had our good days and our bad days. I choose to remember the good days, since everyone has bad days. We live each day to the fullest and believe that tomorrow will be better. We have been blessed with four great grandchildren since his illness started. They are wonderful children and as they watch me caring for "grandpa", they have learned (without knowing it) great compassion toward grandpa, and others with disabilities. I am a caregiver to my husband, and at times, caregiver to my great grand kids.

Words are difficult for my husband, and lately he has started calling me "baloney".