Love, Courage and Commitment

This post is not so much about my husband, but rather about a blog I have been following and the impact it has made on me.  It is widowlady302.blogspot.com.

Whenever I read her blogs I am so moved that all I can think of is the journey she and her husband took together; the love they shared, and the incredible journey with illness and dying they went through. 

I have been grieving the loss of my husband, as he was,  for so long that this blog has helped me tremendously to put that grief aside and focus on today more than I ever have.  I have been so fortunate to have my husband with me, even though he is unable to function in any way.

I have been told that it is the quality of life that counts.  I agree with that, however, who can say whether my husband’s “quality of life” is not there.  I believe that he is content even though his awareness of surroundings and people is, at times, nonexistent. 

In reading the Widow Lady’s blogs I see such tender, loving care and commitment  that it inspires me on a daily basis to do everything I can to keep my husband content and well.

I have learned over the years that my husband does react to my own emotions, so I have tried to do my own crying out of his sight.  This is hard at times, but it is totally necessary.

I recall when he came home from the hospital and his care was totally in my hands, I decided to take him to the movies.  The choice at that time was “Titanic” which had just come to the theaters.  During the scene of the sinking he turned to me with panic on his face and asked “are we going to be able to get out of here?”  I realized at that moment that his sense of reality had been distorted by his brain damage.  That was the last time we went to the movies.  Now, I make sure he is surrounded with comforting things that make him laugh and that make him feel safe.

The Widow Lady’s journey with her husband has moved me beyond words.  Her words have given me great strength and re-dedication to our own journey through the fog of brain damage. I  know, without a doubt,  that when the time for my husband’s flight comes, he will be ready and he will be at peace.